It has been a looonnggg time since last I posted here.  Today – I am very sorry that I’ve waited so long.  Why?  Because today things are bad…

It’s just hard to go back and try to tell you how wonderful life has been for the past nine months.  I wish I had taken the time every day to explain how “normal” life was.  It really seems like it was… at least I think it seemed that way.  It’s all so fuzzy, now, today.  Christopher graduated VPK (with honors too…lol  he was truly the teachers pet b/c he is so smart!)  We are in the process of enrolling him for Kindergarten – with all the joy that brings.  He has blossomed into a little man… mature beyond his years.  The truly wonderful words escape me to iterate to you how happy we all were over the last 9 months.

Today his pressures were at 32 in the Right eye and 20 in the Left eye.  Wow.  It brought me to my knees literally and figuratively.  This is only the 2nd or 3rd appointment I have ever missed… why did I miss it… because I have finally started (since our world first came crashing down with the onset of his glaucoma) to rebuild our life.  In fact, my post yesterday on Facebook was

“Wow…. What a great day today is! 🙂 It is the first day of the rest of my life. I feel like I’m headed in the right direction. This is the first time I’ve felt this way in a long time and it feels great!”

…Then, today happened.  Isn’t there a saying ” S&*^ happens!”  Well for me… “Today happened.” My 9 month pregnant wife (with our third boy) and her mother took Christopher to his eye appointment today – it almost sent her into a breakdown.  The doctor was so upset and realized she was so upset that after the appointment he came out to comfort her at her car.  That is how much of a totally shocking surprise this all is.

Glaucoma… this is the word that terrifies me to my core.  It seems like such a simple concept too… too much pressure in the eye… can’t we just “release” it somehow?  But, and I know this, it isn’t that simple.  What is simple is this:  I absolutely HATE it.  I hate what it makes me do to my son (surgeries, drops, feelings of pity for him), I hate that it causes him so much pain, and I hate that I am helpless.  Most of all… I hate the unpredictability of the disease… You think you have it controlled… and surprise… it puts you right back on your back.  It seems (emotionally) like all of this is happening for the first time … again.  I sit here with tears streaming down my face… a wreck… and it is this that I need to “blog” about… that is why I am sorry it took so long to update.  It is all just overwhelming…

“Christopher… I love you son… I hate this disease and I hate that you have it… I would do anything to take it away… but I’m truly helpless… ”

PS… I have been reading a book to my boys almost every night titled:  “You Can Do Anything, Daddy!”  … What a joke…  O how I wish I could…

and Sorry for the sad post after so long… I’ll try to post sooner.  Maybe, just maybe, I’ll have some good things to post… we’ll see…

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