Today started out crappy. Wife and I were a little antsy with each other. I had to get some work done and take advantage of the slow day everyone else in the world gets. So, I got up and went to work… but before I left… I had to do my daily duty – Make my son scream at me before he tells me to “have a good day!” I had to lay him on the floor… fight with him to put a drop in… and then hear him yell out in pain… scrunch his eyes shut hard in agony… and then ask me to “wipe it… wipe it.” Great way to start our day… every day!

Christopher didn’t get a nap today… so he was extra defiant tonight. But he missed me too… so he was in a good mood. He just wanted me to get him stuff all night… “apue Juice” “meylk” “blue one”(blankie) “udder one” (other blankie) hehe. Then just before bed… I had to torture him again! This disease really beats down your emotions. It never gets easier. I just wish I could become callous to the drops, the patches, the surgery… why? There is that damn question again… Why?

Just really getting tired… of it… every day… more and more exhausted. I just don’t know how much more we can take as a family! Sigh…

Yesterday, someone I really respect said to me that same old cliche’ I hear all the time when people find out about our problems… “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle”… and I get sick of hearing it. Mainly, because I think that is the biggest line of crap I’ve ever heard. First, of all… he has given MANY men in the bible “more than they can handle” and on purpose… Jonah, Paul (Saul), Daniel, Sampson, Adam and Eve, I could go on for hours… But she followed it up with something I haven’t heard anyone say… “but he sure takes us right there sometimes…” She compassionately asked if she could help us in any way… and I kept telling her to stop… it was just not the time to ask… but she kept offering her words of wisdom and compassion… and I couldn’t help myself… I started weeping… right there in front of about 4 or 5 people. I had to leave and compose myself.

I am 36 years old… and can’t control myself in public. This is what I’ve become… and it sucks… WHY?

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